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“I have 31 years of clean time and can’t even get a transfer to a place near home. Now they want to give me 15 years on the Prop. 9 thing. I don’t know what can be done! And I’m gonna keep on pushing and growing because if this is it I’d rather feel healthy, strong, alive, and human. I say better me than someone else because I have been able to keep pushing through everything for 48 years now while so many couldn’t go past 30! 35 or 40 years. It’s a really tough road and situation for people out there to understand. After my Shirley passed in 1987, it’s gotten extra hard because she was helping me with and through everything! Not having contact for over 42 years is crazy! Brother, and I can’t bother anyone, but I would never get used to being so deprived and locked up. I got to keep on pushing, moving, running to the next day, next moment, next stage of living. Can’t stand still for long.”
In a letter to Kiilu dated 1/30/13, Yogi wrote,
“Sometimes i feel i’ve been here a life time, and when someone asks me to explain, i say i can’t because i hardly ever talk about my situation?! 43 of the 48 years, so far, in the hole and only my Shirley knew of this reality. People know i’m in it. I know i’m in it, but outside of my Shirley nobody really know how it is to be in it. I don’t even believe it, sometimes, because i hardly believe i’ve been kept in it this long. I’ve found myself pushing and working so hard, going through time spaces, resisting, transcending, acting like “I’ll show you, Monster, I’ll be the most extraordinary beautiful human being.” But then, those days when I feel I’ve had to push so hard that I’ve flown away from my own humanity because being a whole human in here is so much work. It’s too complex. Too bizarre. Who can understand me? Really see me, feel me? Haven’t had a contact visit in 42 years! Under such extreme inhumane treatment and condition, I’m trying to scream, “Hey, i am human. Am i, really? Or simply an energy who created a big fantasy to escape this horrible reality?”
In this quote, Yogi mentions his wife, Shirley, who passed away in 1987 of brain cancer. When they married, the CDC only gave them five minutes to embrace each other. They had no further physical contact after that. Yogi often refers to her as his twin. He was devastated by her death and keeps her spirit alive in his heart.